How to Prepare for Mediation and What to Expect on the Day

Going through a separation or divorce can feel overwhelming. When emotions are high and the stakes are personal, mediation offers a more constructive and cost-effective way to reach agreements compared to going to court. But how do you actually prepare for mediation—and what happens on the day itself?

Whether you're approaching mediation for parenting arrangements, property division, or both, taking the time to prepare can make a meaningful difference to the outcome. Here's what you need to know to feel more confident and in control.

Understanding What Mediation Is

Mediation is a structured conversation facilitated by a neutral third party, known as the mediator. Their role isn’t to take sides or make decisions for you, but to guide discussions, keep things respectful, and help both parties find common ground. It’s a confidential process, and everything said in mediation stays within the room unless an agreement is made.

In Australia, mediation is often referred to as Family Dispute Resolution (FDR), particularly when it involves parenting matters. In most cases, you’ll need to attempt FDR before applying to the Family Court.

Begin With the Right Mindset

Before anything else, it's important to approach mediation with the right attitude. This isn’t about winning or proving the other person wrong. It’s about finding practical solutions that both of you can live with. Think of it less as a battle and more as a negotiation.

Take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you. Is it stability for your children? A fair financial outcome? The ability to co-parent effectively moving forward? Keeping these goals front of mind will help you stay focused during the session.

Gather Your Documents

While you won’t need to prepare for mediation like a courtroom appearance, you should still arrive informed. If you're discussing property or finances, gather recent statements, valuations, tax returns, and any other relevant financial documents. For parenting matters, think about your children’s routines, needs, schooling, and living arrangements.

Being organised shows that you're taking the process seriously—and it ensures that discussions are grounded in facts rather than assumptions or emotions.

Know Your Options and Limits

It's helpful to come in with a clear understanding of your ideal outcome, your fallback options, and your bottom line. This concept is sometimes referred to as your "BATNA" (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). Knowing where you’re flexible—and where you’re not—can help you negotiate with greater clarity.

That said, stay open. Mediation is often where creative solutions emerge, especially when both parties are willing to listen and adapt.

Speak to a Lawyer First

Many people assume they’ll only need a lawyer if mediation fails. In reality, getting legal advice before mediation is one of the best ways to protect yourself. A family lawyer can help you understand your rights, clarify your expectations, and prepare you for what’s realistic in your situation. Some lawyers may also be available to support you during mediation, either by attending or being available on the phone if needed.

What Happens on the Day

Most mediations take place in a neutral setting—either in person or online. You’ll usually start in the same room (or Zoom call), with the mediator explaining how the session will run. From there, each of you will have a chance to speak about the issues at hand.

You don’t have to talk directly to your ex if it feels too difficult. In many cases, the mediator may use “shuttle mediation,” where they go back and forth between you in separate rooms. This method can reduce tension and create space for calmer, more thoughtful discussions.

Expect breaks throughout the day, especially if emotions run high or issues are complex. Mediation can last a few hours or a full day, depending on what needs to be resolved.

Reaching an Agreement

If you do come to an agreement, the mediator can help formalise it in writing. For parenting matters, this may result in a Parenting Plan. For property, it might be a Heads of Agreement or the basis for Consent Orders filed with the court. Keep in mind that most agreements reached in mediation aren’t legally binding unless they’re formalised through proper channels.

If no agreement is reached, the mediator will usually issue a certificate that allows you to apply to the Family Court. But even then, many people find that mediation brings them closer to resolution than they expected.

The Day After

It’s normal to feel emotionally drained after mediation. Give yourself time to process the outcome, especially if things didn’t go as planned. If an agreement was reached, review it with your lawyer before signing anything. If you’re continuing negotiations or preparing for court, you now have more clarity than you did before.

Regardless of the result, attending mediation is a significant step forward. It shows a willingness to engage, compromise, and prioritise resolution—something the courts will recognise and respect.

Final Thoughts

Preparing for mediation isn’t just about paperwork—it’s about mindset, clarity, and calm. By walking in prepared, informed, and supported, you’re giving yourself the best chance of turning a difficult moment into a constructive one.

If you're not sure where to start or need help connecting with a trusted mediator or family lawyer, SimplyDivorce is here to guide you every step of the way.